I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
