Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize