I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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