Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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