not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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