and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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