So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
