kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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