I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize