Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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