I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
