Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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