Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
