She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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