i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
