girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
