we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
