During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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