why didn't you poke me back
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize