We need to rekindle our bromance
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
