I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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