New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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