I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
