if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
