She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize