why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
