Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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