when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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