I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
