I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
