Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
