Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
