She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
