Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
