I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize