my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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