they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
