I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
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