..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found your dick twin last night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
