no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize