As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize