It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
