whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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