My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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