Your mouth is God's brothel.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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