we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
