did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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