about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
