Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
