they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
