had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
