You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
