Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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