the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
