wat bout pragnant strippers??
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
