someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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