and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
