Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
