The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
