Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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