I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
