Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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