There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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