Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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