I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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