That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
