You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
