The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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