rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
