don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
