My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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