I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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