you guys were way drunker than both of me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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