I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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