Fine. I'll sleep in my office
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
